A note on how fatherhood invites a man to become more himself.

I remember when Nisha & I decided to have a child, I was so happy at the prospect and also a little nervous. And then the fact that Nisha wanted a home birth did not help! Little did I know what the next 20 years of fatherhood would be like and how it would transform MY life. My wife got pregnant. She carried our child for 9 months. I did not understand my role or the implications at the same level that Nisha, who had a living being in her belly, could.

I remember when Anousha was born, in our bedroom, with the midwife, our little Chihuahua, Lotus, next to her, and me cutting the umbilical cord — (the only job they felt I might be able to carry out)

When I first saw my child, there were three things I remember well:

1 — She would become a singer (this has not panned out yet — but she is still loud)
2 — A déjà vu — she looked like me!
3 — I am supposed to love her?...?

We assume 3 is automatic, but I was clueless about how I felt. Overwhelmed — what do we do now? Taking care of a baby when you have never done it or seen it done is daunting! Excited, happy... but in love. I came to realize that feeling grew stronger and stronger with the days that passed. Unlike Nisha, I was just beginning my journey.

Eight years later, another child, another daughter — I always wanted two daughters! Life works well sometimes  — and another home birth. Anousha, our first, took ownership of this one: Aimée.

Now I am the father of two beautiful children. Some years have passed and I can tell you, with hindsight, that they both not only changed the trajectory of my life, but also directly influenced the trajectory of my work. The successes in my business and, ultimately, the introspection to become a better human being. There are no perfect fathers, or mothers. All we can do is our best. We often feel we are not doing enough, and that very feeling pushes us to become more. There is no self-help book that can substitute for that.

Looking back, I realize something I could never have understood when Anousha was born:

My daughters were growing, and so was I.

When they were babies, they needed my arms. As children, they needed my time. As teenagers, they needed my patience. And every stage of their lives asked something different of me. Somewhere along the way I realized that while I thought I was raising two daughters, they were also raising me into the father I am today.

I think this is where a father's journey is different.

A mother carries her child. She begins nurturing long before the baby is born. There is a connection that starts from within. For many fathers, at least for me, fatherhood grew as my children grew.

Every year they became a little more themselves, and every year they invited me to become a little more myself.

I used to think that my role was to provide, to protect, to teach — but with time I realized that perhaps my greatest responsibility was simply to keep growing. Children are always watching. Not so much what we say, but how we live and love. How we treat their mother. How we react when life becomes difficult. How we apologize. How we keep our word. Whether we continue to grow.

Perhaps that is the true presence of fatherhood. Our children know we grow with them. For them.

My father had a special relationship with Aimée, as he used to look after her often when she was two years old. They developed a special bond. Unfortunately, he passed away when she was three. I can say that this brief time with Aimée made him a softer, calmer, and more compassionate person.

Aimée is now 12 years old. The image she treasures most is a whole family portrait we took before she was born, with all her grandparents, ourselves, and her then-newborn big sister. She told me she is afraid to forget.

That is how influential the growth of a father can be in a child's life. And the love. How important memory is to who we are in the present, and how an image, an art piece, can shape our lives and remind us of who we are.

Perhaps that is what makes a father's love different. It grows in parallel with the child. As they become more themselves, we are asked to become more ourselves. In a world where we all crave authenticity, the bond between a father and his child may be one of the places we learn it first.

Our lives are shaped by the people who help us become ourselves. Sometimes, a portrait is simply a way of remembering that.

If you are considering a portrait of your family, I would be honoured to begin the conversation.

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